Date: Friday, July 1, 2016
Participants (from 12 countries) :
USA: Rick | Iran: Behnam, Noorola, Zivar, Rose | Tunisia: Amin | Pakistan: Ayisha | Belarus: Marina | Azerbaijan: Salima | Poland: Mario | Nepal: Grace | France: Djamila | Bangladesh: Azamu | Kurdistan/Iraq: Avarr, Suren
Panel PRO (Team A): Zivar, Grace, Ayisha, Rick, Rose, Djamila
Panel CON (Team B): Amin, Marina, Noorola
Audience (Team C): Behnam, Mario, Salima
Team A summary:
- Zivar: start living with her mother and father in law. As a young couple you probably need some privacy and you can solve it better when you live alone and separately. No one would interfere and when people are all living together, it creates conflicts and it makes the relationships worse. Live far and stay friends. That means when you live all far from each other it makes the relationships better.
- Grace: this topic is difficult because of her experience. A newly married couple should stay far from their parents for at least a few years. There are many arranged marriages, so if they stay with parents, it creates frictions. The first years are romantic years and the couples need to have privacy and they need to learn how to manage their lives together. Learn to know each other and understand each other and then, why not live with their parents.
- Ayisha: they can for some time live with their parents, but after that they need to live alone and have some privacy. In Pakistan for example, it’s not easy to survive in a family group environment. Because you have mental differences and you are not compatible and you don’t get along with everyone. It’s easier to handle and manage one partner than a whole family. The ratio of couples living alone is really low because it’s a tradition and it’s a normal process to have newly married couples live with their parents. It’s more cultural than economic. However, divorce has increased because of that and tolerance level is low.
Rick: couples should live separate; they need to have privacy to have a successful relationship, one which they can learn more about each other and grow as a couple. When you get married to someone, families become your family too. But marriage is between man and woman. A couple and a relationship are based on the individuals in that relationship. A couple needs to disagree, needs to fight sometimes and that’s how they learn to live together. However, you have to look at the circumstances, so if your parents need you to be close to them, then you can live near them to help but ultimately a relationship and the future is between the couple.
- Djamila: Creates friction when the extended family is all living together, people need to their space, couples need their space. Of course, there are some circumstances where the couple may initially live with their parents due to economic circumstances but if they can afford to live on their own, they should. Also, when living with parents, if there are many brothers, this can cause problems as well.
·Team B summary:
- Amin: from an emotional and from a couple’s perspective, you will agree on the fact that living far from your parents are the right solution. But economically it’s not easy to afford your own place. Most families have medium income, so certainly couples and new spouses can’t afford their own place in the first years. So they can think about sacrificing their privacy and wait until they have the money to afford their privacy. We also need to consider some other factors, like, if the spouses agree to live with their parents and if the parents want them to live with them.
- Marina: she shared her experience, when she got married, they had their own apartment but the decision was made to live with her parents as it was easy to bring up children. Her mother was there to help raise the children and to help when both Marina and her husband needed her help. Also, living with her parents, there was not fighting. And also she is close to her mother and she can’t live without her and it helps to have her around. It’s possible to all live together if the house is big enough and the couple has their own space.
- Noorola: sometimes because of economic problems, it’s not easy to provide a house to the couple. He thinks women usually are selfish and they want to be separate. Parents can help in many areas like taking care of children.
Team C summary:
- Behnam: Both teams made good points but saying that couples should “always” live far from their parents is not realistic.
- Mario: it depends on the individual. It’s important at what age you get married. From 30 on, you can live alone. Living alone gives freedom. There are different types of parents and you can enjoy living WITH them but there are some parents who can be intrusive.
- Salima: Every government should have rules, if they live with their parents, the couple will have to follow their parents’ rules. Newly married couple shouldn’t learn from their parents, they should be independent and learn by themselves and grow together. They should learn the family values alone.
- Behnam remained undecided.
- Mario voted for team A.
- Salima voted for team A.
Team A won this debate. Thanks everyone for participating. Below are the links to listen to this discussion.