Date: Friday, July 29, 2019
Participants (from 16 countries):
USA: Rick | Argentina: Johny | France: Djamila | Iran: Behnam, Elham, Noorla, Amir | Belarus: Marina | India: Sumit, Bubbly, Azamu | UAE: Ahsan | Azerbaijan: Salima | Poland: Mario | Egypt: Heytham | Tunisia: Amin | Sudan: Seif | Pakistan: Ayisha | Nepal: Grace | Algeria: Mokhtaroo | Romania: Flory
Panel PRO (Team A): Ayisha, Seif, Johny, Heytham, Elham, Salima, Grace
Panel CON (Team B): Djamila, Mario, Amin
Audience (Team C): Mokhtaroo, Marina, Ahsan, Behnam
Just Listening: Sumit
Late: Flory, Bubbly, Noorola, Amir Alipur, Azamu.
Team A summary:
When we have mental and emotional compatibility with the person we love, life becomes easier and problems can be easily solved because we’d already know the person and hence, understand each other. The examples we see where arranged marriage last longer and never break down is because for religious reasons the couple is not allowed to divorce or because the wife is not allowed by either family to leave her husband so she is compelled to stay married. Joined families cause big problems when there is no love between spouses. Another reason these arranged marriages last long is because the man was unable to find girl for himself and he cannot divorce by himself either.
When there is a marriage based on love, you will stay with the person you love, not with her parents. Parents cannot know what we like in a girl or boy (if we like tall or short, for instance) and when we stay with the person WE like, the marriage can last longer and it can be a happier marriage as oppose to arranged marriages which can be like an arrangement to only breed kids and stay together without any kind of love or mutual understanding. What love is I think is something that we share, the feeling that the other person is the most important person for you and that you think about her/him when he/she is not around. A person you have respect towards and you believe that he/she adds something very special to your life.
A healthy marriage is that in which both spouses are mentally healthy and mature and they both know what a healthy marriage is and they know what they want. Despite the fact that some people can make a loveless arranged marriage last, it’s more meaningful when the two spouses love each other because it results in a better marriage. Love is a great reason and the only reason a person can be persuaded to marry. Love can make a person grow. Real love is based on knowledge, not on mere physical attraction.
Marriage is about sharing and enjoying life together. Love is special and not easy to find and it’s more meaningful when you find that love and you marry that person. Love makes people feel they want to spend the rest of lives with one another which is very different from being forced to be together. An arranged marriage happens when parents think their kids are not mature enough to make their own decisions or make their own choices. When an arrange marriage causes love to happen and spouses begin to feel they want to stay together it is not the arrangement that makes the marriage last; it is the love that they start feeling for each other. Therefore, it is love that makes the marriage work and last not the arrangement. There are examples where wives from arranged marriages advise their single friends to never get married with a person they don’t love because then the only reason they stay together is for the children they have conceived and because they live an unhappy and unbearable life. Happiness matters a lot; it doesn’t matter how much money they have, what matters is how happy they can be.
In arranged marriages, wives do not open their hearts to the husband; there is no confidence or fluid communication between them. Despite that some arranged marriage can result in love too, when the marriage happens for love there can be a better understanding of spouses’ intentions and desires, for instance, adopting children.
Arrange marriages are all about controlling the girl’s or boy’s life. It is disrespecting the girl because she is not a dog, slave or a child that parents have to choose their life partner for them.
There is a Difference between protection and control: it is okay when parents want to protect children’s lives but taking the decision for them is not protection, it is control.
The girl is mature enough to make her own decision, to decide and see into her heart and find if she really wants to be with that person or not. Parents cannot know what is best for them, it’s a personal matter. Parents can advise and support but never try to tell who she or he can love. Parents cannot possibly know everything about us because we are all different, what is good and pleasant for us may not be good for our parents so we are the ones who ultimately have to make the decision, not our parents or family.
Love is not lust. Love makes life more meaningful. We cannot describe what love is because it’s almost impossible to describe such a feeling but we can say what love is not. It is not feeling a mere physical attraction; love is so much deeper than just appreciating someone’s body.
Love is stronger than anything else, it’s stronger than money, than the opinion that our parents may have towards us or towards our chosen ones and even stronger than any job position or society status and it can solve almost any problem we may face in our marriage.
You cannot love someone you don’t know. It is impossible to establish a meaningful connection with the person we will marry if we are not in love.
Marriage is not a business transaction, it’s the most important decision a person can make in this life and it should not be treated as a negotiation between families.
Love is a must in private relationship. Relationships should be based on affection, without love the relationship will never last and it will bring up many issues. Lack of love may lead to infidelity. Without love there won’t be mutual respect, cooperation and support between the two.
Team B summary:
Let’s not ignore reality. Some people don’t have time enough to fall in love or to go meet someone so people need to find other options. People can fall in love after marriage.
Some people don’t even know what love is.
In some countries, people don’t marry anymore. An arrange marriage is like saying to our dad “I don’t know what to do with my free time, so bring me so wife.”
People who speak about love are stuck with the fantasy that romantic movies and books tell.
The real reason for arranged marriages is tradition which comes from religion. Rate of divorces is too high in Tunisia and religion does not allow spouses to get divorced. In some societies teenagers (15 to 25) are not mature enough to choose a husband and wife for themselves so parents do it for them.
For an economic stand point, teenagers don’t have enough money to have their own house to go live with teach other or for the ceremony itself and consequently parents take all decisions and money responsibility.
Team C summary:
People should be able to make their own decision but parents should solve all the couple’s problems.
In the First years is obsession but after two years the relationship depends on personal qualities. Arranges marriages eventually find love.
The debate was confusing. Team mates gave confusing points. (Ahsan gave some feedbacks about debates).
- Mokhtaroo voted for Team A.
- Marina voted for team A.
- Ahsan did not vote.
- Behnam voted for team B.
Mokhtaroo didn’t really know how to vote or what things to consider when judging the teams hence the moderator invalidated his vote.
Votes were not just so only Marina’s and Behnam’s votes counted. This means it was a tie. Thanks everyone for participating. Below are the links to listen to this debate.