I rejected aggrieved,
because I thought I deserve happiness
I refused wounded,
because I thought I deserve healed
I have counted all the bad things and forgot almost all the good things
easily.....
.
I found Her, sitting on the corner of this gaudy cafe, fancy clothes, expensive bag, elegant shoes, luxury perfume, hmmm…, She wore almost two months of my salary for this presence....
She was smiling, a bitter look on her sophisticated face, waved her hands like a master ordering their minion to come. I just smiled at her and realized she never changed.
I was gazing into her eyes and found a deep sorrow, I knew she asked me to come for this reason.
Let me tell you who are these awesome women who sat in front of me......
She was a queen of my heart, my half-life, the one whom I shared my joy, my joyful approach and until now she’s decided to choose luxury over love.
She threw me into the deepest mourning, and I have woken up from that after years.
"Money cannot buy happiness....." She said.
I heard her deep breath, her eyes were looking somewhere.... empty....
I was silent, even in my mind I wanted to say something rude to make her realize that She said “there is no happiness without money” a few years back.
Revenge is always as sweet as sugar.... but I did not want to do it, because sugar causes diabetes, and I don't want to get that LOL....
" At least you can buy some food with that" I tried to break the ice.
" Yeah, but no food for your soul" her voice sounds weak.
And then the stories come flowing smoothly as river water from upstream to downstream.
The story about anxiety, insecurity, faithless, painfulness, unlucky feelings, these cause a poison of the heart, mind and soul.
I rejected difficulties
Because I thought I deserve ease
I refused hardship,
because I thought I deserve favor
I have counted all the misfortune and forgot almost all the satisfaction
easily....
I saw tears in her eyes, but I couldn’t replace with a smile because life Is only about choices and she had already made hers.
Happiness is simple, but she chooses not to see.
Trampled away from the gaudy cafe, she tried to smile but failed, I let her slip away while continuing to pray for the best.
I rejected loss because
I thought I deserve benefit
I treated God as a business partner
once I invested my kindness
I thought I deserve profit
I have counted all the torrent and forgot almost all the triumphs
easily....
I walked away, tried to calm down....
I saw myself while seeing her. she looked like my reflection...how fragile we are as a human being, how susceptible we are while accept suffering...
How forgetful we are while receiving all the good things in life...
Tears flowed, I realized how often I forget to be grateful for all I gained. Keep chasing something bigger, a lot more and I slipped off all I held.
---------------------------------------------------------PaRaS, June 2016-----------------------------------------------